Diary

Travel log 2:

Today I saw my internet friend and had a lot of fun! We went to Pink Gorilla Games, Al's Music Games and Video, and Scarecrow Video. It was so lovely to see my friend and meet her and spend time with her, I really am so happy just for that and it's one of the highlights of my trip. She's one of my favorite people to talk to so talking in person was really nice. :) Scarecrow video literally had the biggest movie collection I had ever seen in my life. I'm so envious of people who live in this area just for that video store. I would never have to struggle with watching things online ever again...

My partner and I wanted to go thrifting so we went to a few places in the same area. Apparently it was right near some of the places we went to earlier which was pretty funny... My partner got a cute bag and I bought some pins from a hobbyist media collector store. It was called Hi-Fi Lo-Fi. They pretty much exclusively played Under Night music and I recognized it immediately. The owner of the store was jamming to it and we had a lot of fun convo since I said I recognized it. I didn't say I was out of town but maybe when we come back here we'll say hi.

My friend and I got to talk about this earlier too but it really feels like travelling really puts things in a new perspective. I feel really motivated and inspired to create things and change the way that I live. I want to be able to live here with my partner and have a more peaceful time in my life. I want to have a job that doesn't burden me with stress and anxiety on the daily. I would literally quit my job in a heartbeat after today. I'm going to do my best to get what I want. Also... I'm not giving up on my movie anymore. I will work hard.

Travel log 1:

This will probably be one of the longer entries in this site for awhile but I have been on vacation "on my own" without my family for the first time in my life. My partner and I are in North Bend, WA right now chillin' in a nice and cozy vrbo right on the river. I wanted to write a journal entry earlier but we didn't really have the time, I've been enjoying spending time with them like nothing else.

My flight in... I was ridiculously early for the flight. About 6 hours early... I really wanted out of the house. My brother was vomiting from anxiety about his first day of senior year of high school and kept me up all night the night before. It was a nightmare. I left the house at 9 am and got to Seattle airport at 9 pm. It was really bad. I didn't eat that much before I left either and downed a liquid IV in hopes it would help. I'm glad I went early since it was my first time in an airport in general since I was 7. I was really anxious about it. At some point I cried from guilt and stress, I missed my pet at home, and I was worried about my brother.

I watched Final Destination with some friends a few days before my trip and although it was a very silly movie the scene when the airplane explodes was playing in my mind. I literally had the last seat on the plane. Lifting off felt good but it was really painful in my head, eyes, nose and ears when we landed. This white guy with dreads talked to me a lot it was... something. He told me the people in Washington are nicer than where we were coming from, that everything is like Tahoe, and there would be a blue moon tonight. Pretty much all those things were true. After he told me that and we got off the plane he didn't look at me again even though I wanted to say thanks for chatting with me. I was super sleep deprived and starving and wanted to do the 40 min drive for North Bend. I met my partner so we could do all that together. The rest is a bit boring to recount. We got food from a halal place that was fine but for some reason the fatigue was taking over and I ended up not eating a lot. It was dark the whole drive there.

When I woke up I could see that Washington was a really beautiful place. We are constantly in awe about how beautiful the nature is right outside our door. The douglas firs are really something. We came here to be touristy about Twin Peaks but it really does feel like we're living in a really romantic and beautiful connected place in the woods. During the first few days I really felt my body and soul healing from being in nature and being around my partner. I felt myself being nervous about the world I left behind but today I feel really good and at peace. Things will be happening I just have to not let it affect me. The air is really different here. The water feels fresh. I know I'm just in my feelings about this place but it really is wonderful.

I've never really slept next to my partner before this trip. I felt really nervous coming up to this trip about the sleeping arrangement but I really do love to sleep next to my partner in the same bed. It feels nice and safe. We watched a few movies and layed around together. It feels nice to be cared for and care for someone else like this. I like to help each other. Something new I found out this trip is how clumsy I am... I'm glad my partner doesn't seem to mind.

So far we've seen the R&R diner, Snoqualmie Falls, The Milk Barn, the bridge they found Ronnet Pulaski in Twin Peaks, Valley Cafe and Bridle State Park with my friend I watch movies with every week. It was really nice seeing my friend again. Right now I'm sitting in front of the heater on the floor while typing this. I will upload some pics later on the next journal entry and write more about the trip, but I mostly wanted to log some bigger things in the beginning of the trip and can go into more detail about the places we went to later. See you.

The internet is forever. It's really hard to write a first diary entry for temporary feelings on a permenant space... but I'll do my best.

I've been feeling lonely these days and am struggling with making friends. I have bouts of social anxiety that feels like it's so difficult to communicate at all during these phases. I feel scared and uneasy and I would rather be alone most times than be stressed out around another person. For a while I tried my best but sometimes my self esteem is so low that I imagine nobody wants to really talk to me or get to know me. Ah it feels really pathetic to be writing it out like this where people can see... but I really want to be honest with myself and the feelings I struggle with.